How to Talk to MAGA Believers

A toolkit for taking the first steps

Dec 18, 2025

You can’t argue someone out of a belief they weren’t argued into. But you can ask sincere questions without triggering their defenses.

You used to be able to talk to them.

They are your parent, your sibling, your adult child, your oldest friend. You may have disagreed about politics even before, but you could still have a pleasant conversation. You could still laugh together. You could still feel like you knew and respected each other.

Now, it feels like you’re talking to a stranger.

Every conversation seems to circle back to Trump, to the “radical left,” or to some new conspiracy they just heard about. When you push back on how they are acting, they shut down or blow up at you. When you try to share meticulously verified information that contradicts what they believe, they angrily dismiss it as fake news. They feel like you are the enemy.

You’ve gotten frustrated and said things in anger. You may have even lost your temper and called them names. Now, you’re left wondering where the person you loved went and whether they’re ever coming back. There’s this wall between you that wasn’t there before, and you both feel it.

“Nothing I say to them gets through.”

And there’s a good reason for that.

When I teach people the basics of communicating with those currently in an authoritarian structure, such as a political cult, I emphasize two key points. One is the formation of a “cult identity”, and the other is how thought-terminating cliches hijack critical thought.

When someone becomes deeply involved in an authoritarian movement, their sense of self undergoes a profound transformation. A new identity, a “cult identity,” sits atop who they really are. This new identity has beliefs modeled on the cult leader, the ideology, and group policies. Crucially, their authentic self is still in there, suppressed, not erased (more on dual identity here).

Secondly, no matter whether a religious group or a political movement with cult-like characteristics, participants are programmed with thought-terminating cliches. These are automatic defensive responses that shut down critical thinking the moment the person perceives an attack on their leader, their group, or their beliefs (more on engaging with cliches here).

You may have noticed these hair-trigger responses when you attempt to confront contradictions within MAGA directly.“We just have to trust the plan.” “He’s just draining the swamp.”

When you criticize Trump or MAGA directly, you trigger this mechanism. It doesn’t matter how logical your argument is, and it certainly doesn’t matter how much evidence you have. The defensive block that halts critical thinking intercepts your message before it can be processed.

It can be jarring how immediate these responses are, and you can recognize them easily by the absence of any precluding pauses or thoughtfulness to consider anything you just said. The rejection is automatic, like pulling your hand away from a hot stove.

Warm, respectful questions work differently and are a key way to bypass thought-terminating cliches. A curious question from someone who seems genuinely interested in what you think feels completely different from an attack. It engages reality-testing, and best of all, it invites reflection rather than triggering a defensive response.

Because questions permit the person to be thoughtful without feeling pressure to defend, any contradictions, uncomfortable facts, and moments that don’t add up are all filed away for further consideration. The questions you ask today may surface weeks, months, or even years later, when they’re alone with their thoughts.

How to Ask a Good Question

Before you can begin to ask effective questions, it is a good idea to internalize some fundamental principles. These are the foundation that makes everything else possible.

Stay genuinely curious.

This is one of the most important things I can tell you. You must actually be interested in understanding their perspective, not just waiting to spring a “gotcha” moment. The interaction should never feel like asking a witness on the stand leading questions. People can feel the difference between genuine curiosity and a trap being set. If you’re asking questions with an ulterior motive, the conversation will go nowhere.

Be genuinely open to changing your mind or your perspective.

This may sound unusual, but it’s a part of maintaining integrity and authenticity. When I work with cult members, I go into every conversation with the genuine mindset of, “I’m listening, and I’m open to stepping into your shoes and seeing through your eyes.”

I’m not pretending. I actually hold that openness. This isn’t a debate technique, either. This position creates a state of mind that the other person can feel. When you’re genuinely open rather than locked into your position, it creates a sense of safety for them to be open too.

Avoid “telling” them anything.

The insight they reach on their own is worth a hundred facts you could provide. Your job is to ask questions that create the conditions for insight, rather than trying to deliver it yourself.

Your relationship matters.

Start warmly, end warmly. Before and after any political conversation, remind them of your connection. Your relationship matters more than any point you make. If you have to choose between making a point and preserving the relationship, choose the relationship every single time.

What Do You Think? Vs. How Do You Feel?

Asking someone “What do you think about...?” can inadvertently feel like a challenge to their intelligence, as if you’re testing whether they’ve thought about something correctly. This can trigger defensiveness.

Additionally, in cults, how people “think” about their cult is already pre-programmed, and asking “logical” questions can trigger the same cliches as above.

On the other hand, asking how someone feels about something is more likely to inspire an openness and thoughtful reflection.

You can try phrases like:

How do you feel about...?
What’s your understanding of...?
How do you see...?
What’s your sense of...?

These phrasings invite them to share their perspective rather than defend their intelligence, Trump, or the MAGA movement. They open space for feelings and personal experience rather than demanding logical justification. This is a slight shift that makes a big difference.

However, I do want to be very clear that the questions and approaches I’m about to share are not scripts to be memorized and deployed mechanically. Every person is different. Every relationship is different. What works with your uncle might backfire with parents. What opens a conversation with your adult child might completely blow up an interaction with a grandparent.

You know this person. You know what they cared about before they got involved in this movement versus what matters to them now. You know what their job is, what their interests are, and what strengths they have.

This information will be your biggest strength in adapting these approaches to fit the specific individual you’re trying to reach. Essentially, you want to think of the questions as starting points for your own creativity, rather than a checklist to work through.

Creating Openings by Utilizing Current Events

When your MAGA-involved loved one wants to talk about ongoing political events (and they often do), this is a window of opportunity for genuine dialogue.

One way to approach these conversations is from a place of wanting to learn rather than from one of judgment. You’re saying “help me understand” or “I’m curious how you see this.”

This is a good first way to practice being genuine when asking questions, as you probably are baffled as to why your loved one is involved in MAGA.

The “Help Me Understand” Approach

In this conversation, you want to position yourself as confused or wanting to learn rather than critical. Stay genuine, you’re genuinely asking for their help making sense of something.

“I’m trying to understand something, and I wonder if you could help me. I remember Trump saying the Epstein files were a Democratic Hoax. Then told GOP politicians to vote to discharge them. I’m confused about what’s happening there. Can you help me understand what is happening, please?”

“I’m genuinely confused about the grocery prices thing. Trump says prices have come down. But my grocery bill is still really high. Have your prices gone down? What’s your sense of what’s happening there?”

Importantly, you’re not saying “he lied” or “he broke his promise.” You’re expressing genuine confusion and asking for their help in understanding. This positions them as the expert, which is disarming rather than threatening.

The “How Do You Feel About This?” Approach

In this conversation, you want to invite them to share their feelings and personal experiences about current events.

“Have you watched the video of Marjorie Taylor Greene saying she was stepping down from Congress on January 6^th? If not, would you watch this clip with me? I’d genuinely like to know what you make of it.”

“I’ve been reading about farmers and small businesses struggling. Unemployment going way up? What’s your sense of that?”

“I heard tourism is down significantly, and lots of people count on tourism dollars. Do you know anything about what is going on?”

The Checking In Approach

This conversation involves simply asking about their overall satisfaction with MAGA. This opens space for them to express any disappointments they might be feeling.

“So overall, how are you feeling about how things are going? What would you say is working best from your perspective?”

“How do you feel about where things are at?”

“What do you feel would be the most important thing for Trump to do next?”

We want this person to feel safe and to feel like you are a good listener. These questions give them permission to express doubts without feeling like they’re betraying their side. They might say that everything is “perfect” and that they have no complaints, but they might also talk about personal disappointments within MAGA that wouldn’t emerge if you were attacking.

Discussing Authoritarianism Without Discussing Trump

A technique that surprises many is that you can discuss the dynamics of cult control in detail with current members… as long as you’re talking about a different group than the one they’re in.

When I was a Moonie, I was aware of cults in general. But I also was certain I wasn’t in a cult. MAGA supporters have the same blind spot. They can clearly see manipulation in other contexts while remaining completely unaware of it in their own. Understanding this, you have a powerful tool at your disposal.

MAGA supporters may have strong negative opinions about authoritarian regimes like Russia, North Korea, and China, but do not activate the typical thought-stopping when discussing these countries because they already believe these are bad actors. There’s no automatic defensive response protecting Putin or Kim Jong-un.

This creates an extraordinary opening for discussing the mechanisms of authoritarianism and political cults without ever naming MAGA.

The key to using this technique is never to say, “This is what Trump does too.”

You simply have the conversation about how authoritarian control works. You don’t need to have all the answers, either. This is a genuine conversation, so raise these questions in the context of a broader discussion.

Questions About Putin and Russia

“What’s your understanding of how Putin keeps so many Russians loyal to him? How does that work?”

“Do you imagine Russians believe Putin’s propaganda? Do you feel they are stupid people? If not, what do you feel is going on psychologically?”

“How do you imagine Putin controls his inner circle? Are they true believers? Are they aware when he lies to them?”

“I’ve read that Putin constantly creates confusion on purpose. He claims one thing one day, the opposite the next, and his people just go along with it. How do you imagine that affects people in Russia?”

Questions About North Korea

“How do you imagine North Korea keeps its people so devoted to Kim Jong Un? What techniques do you imagine they use?”

“North Koreans are taught that Kim is infallible. How do you imagine that kind of thinking develops in people?”

“Kim reportedly executed his uncle, whom he suspected was not loyal. What do you imagine that kind of power over life and death does to a leader?”

Questions About Authoritarianism in General

“What is your understanding of the warning signs that a particular politician is acting in an authoritarian manner? How would we even recognize that?”

“What’s the difference between a strong leader and an authoritarian, in your view? Where’s the line?”

“What’s your understanding of why authoritarian leaders attack the press?”

“How do you imagine people end up supporting leaders who are acting against their interests?”

To clarify, the purpose of these questions is to facilitate a genuine and engaging conversation about authoritarian psychology. The intent is not to corner the other person or lead up to a “gotcha” moment where you draw an explicit comparison, such as “Well, Trump does all those things too!” This technique is specifically designed to avoid ever voicing that comparison.

What you’re doing is giving their authentic self a set of conceptual tools and frameworks. You’re discussing how authoritarian manipulation works in contexts where they can think clearly about it. Their authentic self will make connections on its own. These connections often surface days, weeks, or months later, when they’re alone with their thoughts and something Trump does reminds them of something you discussed about Putin.

When They Want to Provoke

Often, the most challenging moments aren’t the ones you initiate. Instead, they’re the ones that come at you unexpectedly. Real life is messy and unexpected, and most likely, a good number of these interactions will happen suddenly when your loved one drops a quick quip or shares something they saw.

Your natural impulse is to push back, correct, and argue. This is entirely normal. After all, it can be incredibly frustrating to repeatedly be poked and prodded by someone sharing things to get a rise out of you. In these situations, we go for neutrality, de-escalation, and rapport building.

When They Make a Claim You Know to Be False

“That’s interesting. What’s your understanding of how that works?”

“How do you feel about that? What does that mean to you?”

“I hadn’t heard that perspective. Can you tell me more about where that’s coming from?”

When They Dismiss Something as “Fake News”

“I am curious. How did you decide it was fake? What’s your process?”

“What convinced you it was fake?”

When They Ask What YOU Think

Be honest, brief, and return the focus to curiosity.

“I feel a bit differently, but I’m more interested in understanding how you see it? I might learn something from hearing what you have to say.”

“I see some things differently, but right now I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from.”

You May Not See the Shift

All of this said, this technique alone is by no means a quick fix. There is typically no one magic question that will suddenly open someone’s eyes.

What you’re doing is planting seeds, and seeds take time to sprout. Any sincere conversation that ends relatively calmly and that avoids becoming a heated argument like before should be viewed as a success, rather than a failure or something that “didn’t work.”

You should also remember that you may never actually see the “aha moment.” It often occurs in private, sometimes long after numerous conversations over several months, spaced out over time. Former cult members frequently tell me about a question someone asked them that they dismissed at the time, but couldn’t stop thinking about later. You might be that person for your loved one, and you might never know it.

Always keep in mind that the process of retracting any deeply held belief and commitment is deeply painful. Those involved in MAGA who leave will grieve the loss of their worldview and community, as with any other cult. We want to help build a face-saving exit ramp. It is unlikely that someone deeply involved will want to process this departure in front of witnesses who have previously ridiculed or belittled them. Leaving is a profoundly vulnerable and often traumatic experience, sometimes causing moral injury upon reflection on one’s actions.

What you can do is watch for signs like a pause before responding, rather than an immediate defense, which indicates an absence of thought-hijacking by pre-programmed defenses. You may notice a quiet “I hadn’t thought about that” or “That’s a good question.”

A key indication of progress is if they remember something you said in a previous conversation, even if they interpret it differently. That means it stuck with them. Notice when they seem slightly uncomfortable, but stay in the conversation anyway, or when they change the subject rather than defending a point. These moments mean the authentic self is listening.

The Faith This Requires

If you’ve read this far, it’s because you love or care about someone. That love is what brought you here, and that love is what will sustain you.

That said, you cannot pour from an empty cup. This work is emotionally exhausting. Watching someone you love be consumed by something harmful is an extraordinarily painful kind of grief. It’s the grief of someone who is still alive but feels lost to you.

So, first things first, your mental health matters, and your other relationships matter. It’s not only okay to step away sometimes if you feel burnt out, but it’s also necessary if you are going to maintain a long-term effort at the relationship.

You cannot want their freedom more than they want it themselves. You can create ideal conditions for growth, plant seeds, and keep the soil watered, but you cannot do their thinking for them.

In my approach with families, I always emphasize that they should not be doing this alone. All cases involve a team effort. Find others who understand what you’re going through. Maybe it’s other family members who share your concerns and can strategize with you. Perhaps it’s friends who’ve navigated similar situations. Maybe it’s a therapist who can help you process the grief and frustration. Or perhaps it’s an online community of people experiencing the same heartbreak.

The team element helps because the Strategic Interactive Approach requires believing something that can be extremely hard to believe. You have to trust that your loved one’s authentic self is still in there, waiting for enough accumulated evidence and permission to question.

Having people who support you makes you more effective at helping your loved one. When you’re depleted, you’re more likely to say something you’ll regret. When you have people who listen to you, encourage you, and remind you why you’re doing this, you can show up with the patience and curiosity this approach requires.

Essentially, you want to remember two things. The person you love is worth it. And so are you.