Newsletter: Narcissists and How to Survive Them
From Presidents to partners, we can and must rise above undue influence
I will be recording on the Weekend Show with Anthony Davis on Thursday, so we will not have a livestream this week. It airs this Sunday. However, you can see last week’s livestream recording here if you missed it. Today, at 4 pm EST, I did a Substack Live for The Left Hook with Wajahat Ali.
I did two additional livestreams since last week’s newsletter: one on Saturday with independent researcher Matthew Williams about the Russian cult AllatRa and their DC meeting to recruit Spiritual Ambassadors (you can see our Substack post about that group here), and one yesterday with Ian Wilks, former Mormon Bishop and temple insider.
When people think about cults, they usually think of hundreds, if not thousands, of people clustered around one charismatic leader.
However, in my half-century of helping people escape and recover from high-control groups, I know there are many possible permutations of manipulation and authoritarian control.
Though some groups can reach into the millions and have committees of leaders, there are many instances where the cult consists of just one leader and one follower.
Most of the time, this is the result of an abusive intimate relationship, but these one-on-one cults can take many different forms. For instance, a teacher and student, a life-coach or therapist and client, a “psychic seer” and customer, and many more.
One-on-one cults
In this week’s post for paid subscribers, “When One Person Becomes a Cult: Understanding One-on-One Undue Influence,” I explore the many different stories of those who have fallen under the control of one person, through manipulation, gaslighting, and undue influence.
I explain:
How one-on-one cults go beyond “toxic” relationships
How to use my BITE Model of Authoritarian Control™ to assess these relationships
The prison of phobia indoctrination and how it works
When a one-on-one cult develops in a therapist-client relationship
Elder abuse and undue influence
Warning signs of one-on-one cults
Possible and existing legal frameworks available to help
If you have ever been in a situation where you felt like you were doubting your own perceptions, unable to make decisions without asking for permission, or ceding control to the other person - or if someone you love has been in that situation, then you will want to read this article.
Paid subscribers get quality content like this weekly and have access to my full range of interviews with experts, helpful articles, and guides, including:
Clinical Hypnosis: The Power to Heal or Harm - My thoughts on how, despite its benefits, clinical hypnosis can and does pose significant risks
Psychologist Abuse? Therapist Abuse? Life Coach Abuse? - A deep dive into what happens when those who are supposed to help end up harming instead
Parental Alienation: Turning Children Against Their Parents - When one parent destroys the relationship between the other parent and their child
I explore the question of authoritarianism from another angle in my most recent blog post in Psychology Today, “What Happens to Your Identity Under a Dictator: How authoritarian structure splits our sense of self.” In it, I talk about how:
authoritarian systems use surveillance and fear to force citizens into self-censorship and compliance.
self-censorship creates a split between one’s public persona and authentic self, causing psychological harm.
chronic suppression of true feelings leads to anxiety, depression, dissociation, and identity confusion.
political cults use the same tactics as religious cults to silence dissent and maintain power.
Freedom of Mind Ongoings
Social Media Explosion!
I’d like to thank everyone who has been following me and sharing our content on social media; our Instagram following has reached 200K!
Foundation for Intentional Community
Also, I will be speaking at a special webinar on January 29th titled “Cult or Community? The Line Between Control and Connection,” hosted by the Foundation for Intentional Community, with Jesse Stone [quick description of who she is please]. The FIC focuses on helping those who live in Intentional Communities keep their organizations healthy, ethical, and safe, which is a goal I feel strongly about supporting!
My interview with Dr. Frank George on Pathological Narcissism and Addiction
I was delighted to find out that this week’s podcast, The Gaslight Report: Understanding Narcissism, Addiction, and Neuroscience, with my guest, Frank R. George, PhD, has a large number of views online, with over 100k views on YouTube!
We are living in unprecedented times, and while many of us speaking about narcissism and cultic indoctrination would prefer not to be living through a regime controlled by an authoritarian leader, Donald Trump has proven to be a startling example of the type.
In this week’s podcast, I spoke with Dr. George, who is an internationally recognized authority in psychology, neuroscience, narcissism, and addiction, about Donald Trump and narcissism in general.
His Substack newsletter, The Gaslight Report, focuses on narcissistic behavior, how to spot it, and how to recover if you’ve been under the control of a narcissist - it’s well worth a look! Our talk was fascinating, and I think you’ll find it a compelling listen.
Listen on Apple | Spotify | Watch on YouTube
Read my Substack post about the interview:
The Gaslight Report: Understanding Narcissism, Addiction, and Neuroscience With Frank R. George, PhD
Unpolitics 2026
I have been invited to lead a section on Thursday, February 26th, at 10 am ETA at the Unpolitics Working Meeting — 2026A.
Unpolitics 2026A is a collaborative meeting designed to turn insights into action. Attendees from sectors such as health, environment, security, economics, governance, science, and systems design are often already involved in implementation.
The focus isn’t on offering recommendations or debating, but on advancing solutions through teamwork, alignment, and action. Unpolitics supports those who know the next steps to achieve progress. I will be interviewing its founder, Dr. Yaneer Bar-Yam, for our podcast. He has been leading the New England Complex Systems Institute for decades. Freedom of Mind is affiliated with this fine organization.
As always, please let us know what you think about these pieces or what you’d like to see us discuss in the future. Thanks so much!
💙💙💙
I have been asking for a team of deprogramming specialists on the waves for a long time. I look forward to your help.
I was a cult member for 20 years, and it took 20 years to first forgive myself, let go of guilt, and reframe my personal spirituality, and isn’t it supposed to be a personal relationship, not one dogmatically force fed from a stage or pulpit?