Taking Off the Rose-Colored Glasses

Behavioral Signs of Undue Influence in Relationships

Have you ever wondered if your partner, friend, or family member is subtly (or even overtly) steering your choices without you fully realizing it? The days following Valentine’s Day often bring a mix of stories and, regrettably, warning signs that not every romance is healthy. While we celebrate healthy expressions of love and commitment, it’s also an opportune moment to talk about a destructive dynamic that can creep into relationships: undue influence.

In my many years of researching and helping individuals break free from manipulative environments, I’ve seen time and again how coercive control can manifest in romantic relationships and families just as powerfully as it does in prominent, well-known cults. Indeed, the same methods of persuasion that cult leaders use to recruit and indoctrinate followers can also show up in our relationships.