Newsletter: Why Saying “I Told You So” is a Bad Idea
Cult Members Reconsidering Their Involvement Need Compassion, Not Condemnation
It’s happening more often now: our loved ones who have been trapped in problematic belief systems, whether MAGA, MAHA, or anything else, are beginning to have doubts about the lies, the gaslighting, and the crazymaking rationalizations.
So what do you say when your loved one finally expresses those doubts? While it’s extremely tempting to jump in with supporting evidence and a cry of “See! I told you it was all lies!”, this tactic is bound to backfire disastrously. While, of course, we want to support our loved ones in working their way out of the destructive web of lies and groupthink, any discussion at this point must be handled delicately, without triggering their cultic identity’s predilection to fight back against any perceived attack on the belief system or the leader.
In this week’s article for paid subscribers, Cult Member Wavering? What to Say in the First 60 Seconds, I lay out exactly how to navigate these tricky waters. If you have a loved one trapped in any cultic group or relationship whose destructive beliefs are beginning to waver, you’ll want to read this guide.
If you aren’t already a paid subscriber, now is an excellent time to become one. Paid subscribers directly support my work while gaining full access to an extensive library of resources, insightful articles, and exclusive interviews with leading experts, including:
Jim Picariello, my assistant and protegé, is set to step in for me once more to host the livestream on Wednesday, July 1st, at 2 pm EDT. Jim will be talking about the way cult leaders lie, gaslight, and rewrite history, and how Trump exemplifies this trait in his recent actions. For those unable to join our most recent session, the recording is available here.
I am excited to be in Montreal, attending the XXXIXth International Congress on Law and Mental Health at L'Université du Québec à Montréal this week. June 28th – July 3rd, 2026. I presented yesterday (Monday) and will present again tomorrow (Wednesday). This Congress meets every two years in a different country and is the premier gathering for psychiatrists, psychologists, mental health professionals, lawyers, judges, and those interested in the intersection of law and mental health. My aspiration is to offer a scientifically valid set of models to evaluate undue influence, including AI- and digital-induced undue influence.
This week’s episode of my Cults, Culture & Coercion podcast, What’s Wrong with the Jehovah’s Witnesses: A Conversation with Whistleblower Lara Kaput, is an eye-opening discussion of how this organization uses its stance as the “only true religion” to cover up child sexual abuse, financial exploitation, and labor trafficking. Lara Kaput, who was born into the group, has been an active part of exposing these crimes, speaking up for former members, and holding the Watchtower accountable.
Listen on Apple | Spotify | Watch on YouTube
Read my Substack post about the interview here.
Next week’s episode will feature guest Brandie Hadfield, who is a survivor of - and expert on - Multi-Level Marketing scams and the cultic behavior present in this variety of high-control groups.
I’d like to know more about what you’d like to see covered! Your input
helps me know what issues are important to you!
As always, please let us know what you think about these pieces or what you’d like to see us discuss in the future. Thanks so much!
